During my weight loss journey I learned a few things about myself that were pretty hard pills to swallow. At first it was depressing. Then I became angry with myself. And finally I accepted that the damage was done and that I had in fact done the damage to myself. Besides how having children changed my body (permanently) I had to accept the fact that my loose skin, stretch marks and obesity was caused by me and by nobody else.
I had shoved countless calories into my mouth and the reason I was fat was because I was lazy and lying to myself. There are so many lies that I told myself and to others. Some of the lies were based on my humiliation of being so overweight. I didn't want to accept the fact that that the reason why I looked like a beached whale was because I intentionally ate 5,000+ calories a day of pure junk. (A 'normal' caloric intake for a woman my age is between 1,200 and 1,800 calories a day, depending on physical activity level...I was eating calories 5,000 a day...or possibly more...Gee, I wonder why I was fat!?)
The truth is, weight loss is simple science: Eat less calories than you burn. Simple. Here are some lies that I used to tell myself and others when I was fat. Some of these lies were convincing...and some of them are just pathetic. Looking back it's comical. But, back then it wasn't comical. All these of these things were thought or said in emotional distress.
1. "I don't understanding how I can be so fat! I don't eat that much!" I consider this the number one lie that I used to tell myself and others around me. Now that I measure my food and follow the recommended serving sizes on packaged food I realize how ridiculous this statement is. While it may be true that I felt like I wasn't overeating, the truth is I was eating so many calories of junk that my metabolism was in shock. For example, before I started actively trying to lose weight my day in meals might look something like this:
Breakfast: Nothing. (Sweet! No calories there! And I'm not even hungry!)
Lunch: Number one at McDonald's. (Super-size? Are you kidding?! Of COURSE I want six servings of fries at once! Besides, I skipped breakfast so I should be fine.) Big Mac: 550 calories, Large Fries: 500 calories, Large Dr. Pepper: 500 calories. Total: 1,550 calories (Source: McDonald's website.)
Dinner: Pepperoni Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut. Four Slices: (370 calories per slice) 1,480 calories. Large Pepsi: 500 calories. Hershey's Dunkers sticks (Gotta have dessert, right?!) 2 slices: 190 calories. Total: 2,170 calories. (Source: Pizza Hut website.)
Late night snack: Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream: 2 servings: 520 calories.
Total calories for the day: 4,240.
I really had myself convinced that since I skipped breakfast I could splurge for lunch and dinner. Now I eat five to six meals a day with only 400 to 500 calories a meal.
2. "I work out ALL the time!!! I don't understand whyyyy I'm soooo fat!" See lie number one. In a typical work out sesh I burn anywhere from 400 to 800 calories in 30 to 60 minutes. I just ate 4,240 calories but only worked out for 30 minutes?!?! C'mon...simple science.
3. "I can't focus on losing weight right now because I'm so stressed/angry/depressed/sick/in pain/don't have time...etc." We all have our own excuses of why we can't dedicate the time it takes to learn about nutrition and weight loss. The excuses listed above slowly went away once I started losing weight. I wasn't so stressed anymore after I finished exercising. (It's science...exercising causes your brain to release hormones that trigger feelings of happiness and tranquility. Science, bitches...it's magical.) When I had control of my food instead of allowing food to control me I felt happy, less stressed, less angry. I treated people around me better...and I treated myself better. Once I stopped eating shitty food filled with preservatives I also quit feeling sick. Now when I splurge (like I did yesterday: McDouble, medium fries and water) I swell up like a tick and I feel like I have the flu. I have a constant internal battle in my head going on with my former fatty self and my new healthy self of whether or not the flu-like symptoms, swollen feet, fingers and legs are worth it to have some fries. (Yesterday my inner fatty won...and I enjoyed it.) Yes, when I started exercising it was painful. My knees hurt, my feet hurt...I had shin splints...my muscles ached constantly. But, slowly that went away. And pretty soon I was waking up without any pain. The aching joints (from the 15,000 mg of sodium I was eating) went away. Not having time was the most ridiculous excuse I made not to get healthy and lose weight. I was spending at least two hours a day on FaceBook or in front of the boob tube. You only need 30 minutes to work up a sweat and get your heart rate up. 30 little, tiny minutes.
4. "I don't want to eat like a rabbit for the rest of my life! I would rather die happy and fat than die munching on a salad!" Seriously...that's just stupid. But, I didn't know that I didn't have to eat salads for the rest of my life. I thought I had to feel hungry all the time and nibble on iceberg lettuce leaves until I died, gaunt and deliriously happy at having made it to my goal weight. Uh...no. A typical day in meals looks like this for me:
Breakfast: 1/2 cup of plain oatmeal. 1 tbsp of peanut butter. 1/2 cup of frozen berries mixed in. 1/2 cup of coconut milk poured on top. 8 ounces of coffee, 2 tbsp of non-dairy creamer. (Calories: 350)
Snack: Cheese stick and some type of fruit. (Generally I eat a cup of strawberries or a small banana.) (Calories: 160-200)
Lunch: Burrito bowl from Chipotle with: 1 cup of pinto or black beans, 4 ounces of steak or carnitas, pico de gallo, 1/4 cup of shredded cheese, 3 ounces of guac. Water. (Calories: 500 to 600 - depending on how heavy they went on the cheese or guac.)
Dinner: Steamed veggies (usually cauliflower or broccoli) seasoned with garlic powder and Parmesan cheese, 4 to 6 ounces of baked chicken. (Calories: 350 to 500 calories) Do you see any salad on that list?? I rarely eat salads and I am always satisfied at the end of the day.
5. "People will laugh at me if I go to the gym because I'm so fat." This lie might be true. There probably are assholes out there laughing at you. I've learned something about the gymrat asshole, though. Once those pounds start coming off and you're sticking with your plan...the gymrat asshole is still an asshole no matter what size you are. And, mostly people are not laughing at you. They are proud of you but too shy to say anything. Secretly you may be motivating someone else who is feeling bad about the gymrat asshole laughing at them...but your dedication is inspirational to someone. The other day I looked in on a boot camp class at the gym and near the back was a very overweight young woman who was giving it her all. I wanted to go hug her and tell her how much she was motivating me. Bottom line is...there will ALWAYS be at least one shithead who is laughing at you behind your back. Who cares? For every asshole who is laughing at you there are 10 more people behind him that you are motivating to keep going.
6. "I will always be fat so why bother?" This was what I started telling myself near my rock-bottom. I was giving up. This lie comes from depression. I tried to convince myself that it was just 'in my genes' to be fat...that I would NEVER look like those other women. (Self-esteem comes back after the weight starts coming off and your health starts going back up. The hardest lesson that I have had to learn is to love the skin I am in. I won't ever look like those skinny bitches on the cover of magazines...but why would I want to? My mother gave me a beautiful, hourglass figure and I've learned to love it.) This lie is usually followed by "Everyone in my family is fat so I guess I'm destined to be fat, too." No. No, no, no, no, NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Once you've convinced yourself of this lie it's hard to come back. (Side note...when you say this lie out loud and your children hear it - they also begin to convince themselves that they are destined to be fat, too. My son even asked me once if I would still love him 'when he was fat'...at eight he already had convinced himself that he was going to grow up and be fat.) Nobody is 'destined' to be anything. You make your own choices. It's not easy. The change from 4,240 calories a day to 1,400 calories a day was really, REALLY hard. I was hungry a lot in the beginning...but my stomach shrank back down to a normal size and then I was fulfilled with the healthier choices I was making. Once my body started changing and my clothes began to get baggy, this myth was busted forever for me. (Last week I had a coworker tell me she couldn't lose weight because she was diabetic. I felt so bad for her. I recognized that look of desperation and humiliation in her eyes. It's hard to accept the fact that we have caused ourselves to be fat...when the realization hits it's hard to overcome and keep going with your weight loss efforts...you will feel like giving up...but don't.)
The lies I told myself are countless. Sometimes the lies resurface when I'm feeling lazy or bored. And I'll use them as an excuse to eat a Big Mac. But, then I remember why I don't eat Big Macs anymore...cause I feel like shit afterwards. Almost immediately afterwards my body balloons up so fast that I have to change into loose-fitting clothes to avoid having my circulation cut off. Seriously...it is that bad. I still love all that food. And I still want it. And I still eat it once in awhile. But now I try to own up to my choices. I just tell myself: Ok, dude...You wanted a Big Mac and you ate it. Damage is done...now start over tomorrow!
As I type this I am staring at my banana and thinking: I really wish you were a chocolate covered donut.
-India
