About six weeks ago I decided to push myself a little harder than normal and I went on a six mile jog instead of a three mile jog. I was elated. The next night I went for a seven mile jog. I couldn't believe it! A year ago I weighed 279 (or more, maybe) and now I'm running seven miles!
But, my knee started hurting. Not a little. A LOT. Ten minutes into my runs it felt like someone was stabbing me in the side of my kneecap. *Sigh*
So, went to the doctor and discovered that I had caused myself IT Band Syndrome. Solution: Physical Therapy coupled with heavy stretching, rest (no jogging) and strength exercises for my hip flexors.
Fast forward four weeks and I am still in massive amounts of pain (yeah, I know...there's no crying in baseball...blah blah blah) and I've packed on 11 pounds (some of it was water weight and some of it was being a fatass and stuffing my emotions into my pie-hole).
I started feeling pretty sorry for myself. And I continued the vicious cycle of beat-self-up-so-shove-more-food-in-my-mouth-and-continue-to-go-gain-weight-so-beat-self-up-some-more-and-man-those-nachos-look-delicious-I-should-probably-eat-all-the-nachos-I-can-until-I-feel-like-puking. Yep, it was that serious.
I'm back on track now and following my PT religiously. Yes, my leg/knee is still in a considerable amount of pain (please, don't even look at my left leg) but I've gained control of my eating again and here's why I will stop living in the past and starting recognizing the things I have accomplished:
-I used to weigh 279...but now I weigh 188 (as of this morning).
-I used to feel like shit and stuff my face full of junk food because I felt like shit, thereby causing me to feel even more shitty...but now I keep healthy snacks around me because I know I lack self-control.
-I used to get winded and sweaty just from walking around in the grocery store...but now I can exercise (jog/cycle) without even blinking.
-I used to wear (tight) size 26 pants...but now I wear a comfortable size 14.
-I used to not be able to tie my shoes without almost passing out because my stomach was so huge...but now I can do yoga for an hour.
The point is - I will STOP beating myself up because I was human and gained back 11 pounds. I am not finished and I have not reached the 'Big Goal'...but I am only 40 pounds away from my goal weight (and currently I am not really focused on weight but I'm focused on how I feel and look in my clothes). Last year I was 139 pounds away from my goal...now I'm only 40 pounds. That's fucking amazing, dammit.
Never give up. Even if you gain 11 pounds back. Start over. Right now. Do it. No excuses (within reason).
-IndiaGuerita
Left side was Thanksgiving day in 2010. Right side was this morning.
